Empowering Children to Speak Up
Dropped off the eldest at school Monday. She had a little cough — but it didn’t seem serious enough to warrant staying home. (My husband and I don’t want to get her in the habit of staying home every time she has a cough or sniffle.) Picked her up 2 hours later (her school has a half of a half day Mondays … don’t ask). She had a fever and was wheezing something fierce. Two naps and a trip to the doctor later — turns out she was pretty sick.
I asked her if she felt OK during school. She said “No, not really. But I felt too shy to tell my teacher.” When I asked her what bothered her during school she responded, “I felt like I needed my mommy.” I asked her about breathing, “fine.”
The doctors were worried that my older daughter gave my infant an infection. So I had to run the little one to the hospital to have blood drawn. Since I didn’t want to take a sick child to the hospital, for fear she would get sicker — I left her with a neighbor (over the dinner hour). Came home roughly an hour later, and the eldest’s face was covered with a rash. She said she had been itching the whole time I was gone. I asked her why she didn’t ask the neighbor to give her the benedryl in her backpack. She said she didn’t think of it. It’s not the neighbor’s fault. It’s not her fault. I should have prepared everyone better. I just didn’t have time. And sometimes real life works that way.
Because my daughter is so mature, I sometimes forget she’s just five. Maybe I expect too much of her. Yet, I am afraid that if I am not around - she will not speak up for herself and get the help she needs. On the allergy front - I have always been confident that she knows her own body and is able to articulate her needs. I now realize that ability to articulate needs does not necessarily translate into speaking up for yourself. No harm done when it’s a little rash — but what if it had been more severe? I shudder to think. On the asthma front - I now question whether she knows what wheezing (or an asthma attack) feels like. Since wheezing doesn’t seem to bother her, I am afraid it will go unnoticed for too long, until it gets dangerous.
The end result: she needs a pep talk on the importance of telling the grownup in charge when she’s not feeling well — so that they can get her the help she needs. And she needs practice doing this, or I fear she will not know what to do in the case of a real emergency. You know how kids have fire drills at school to prepare them for the real thing — I think I may have to do an asthma/allergy drill to prepare her for an event which I hope will never come to pass.
Not sure whether this is a smart move that will make her feel confident and prepared or an alarmist one that will make her feel more fearful.
How do you empower your kids to be their own health advocates when they are not with you?
September 19th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
I think you raise a really good point. Most kids will just keep playing until their sympoms become severe. Whether is an illness or an allergic reaction we do need ot coach them on how to talk to a care giver if they do not feel right. I plan to start working with my almost 5 year old on this. Thanks. - A
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Thanks for this reminder!
September 25th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
It’s tough and varies by age. As an example, our 3 year old is allergic to sesame. She obviously can’t be responsible for this, but we took her to a bagel store and pointed to a sesame one. See those little things? Those are sesame. That’s what you are allergic to. So she knows what she can’t eat and it lessens the chance of her consuming it by accident. More importantly, it’s teaching her to start taking responsibility for her own body. Or at least feel like it.
Learning to know when something’s wrong - and then speak up? Those are next steps we’re definitely not ready for at this age!