Walk The Line
As parents of food allergic children, we need to walk a fine line between advocating to keep our children safe and alienating people whom we need as allies by seeming too extreme. As I prepare to meet with the principal of my daughter’s new school, I wonder just how much I can ask from her new principal, teacher, and the parents of her classmates.
I am reminded by one of my readers how asking for too much can border on the absurd. Richard R posted this provocative comment below:
I’ve run into absurd extremes before. Our daughter’s pre-school sent out a letter that since they had a child at the school who had a sibling with a nut allergy who WASNT at the school, no child attending school would be allowed to eat peanuts at HOME, let alone at the school. In other words, No peanuts in 3 degrees of separation from the allergic child.
There was an outcry and it was rescinded. It’s stuff like that that makes the issue seem silly and overblown.
Richard raises an interesting point. Based on the facts Richard presents, I would argue that the parents aren’t helping their child, and they certainly aren’t helping our broader cause. I’d rather go the humbler route. This is what I’m asking for. Please:
- don’t allow children to bring or eat peanuts in the classroom;
- have children wash hands after eating;
- don’t do art/science projects which contain dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, or eggs; and
- try to provide advance notice of birthday celebrations so that we can provide a special treat for my daughter.
But what seems perfectly reasonable to me may seem totally outlandish to others. That seems to be Trace Adkins’ experience. We learn from Celebrity Baby Blog that when asked whether people are sensitive to the severity of his daughter’s allergies, Adkins says:
People seem to not really care. I was doing a radio-show interview the other day, and a listener called in and said, “I was told that I couldn’t bring something into my kids’ school because other kids were allergic, and that’s infringing on my freedoms.” I thought, “You idiot. Bring something else. Are you seriously suggesting that you should have the freedom to kill my kid?”
If you have a child entering kindergarten (like me), or are changing schools, I found a really helpful website, Safe@School Partners, that offers a discussion guide for approaching food allergies with those responsible for keeping your child safe at school. Of particular interest to me was the sample letter from the principal to parents of your child’s classroom. It would need a bit of tailoring to meet our circumstances, but I think strikes the right tone.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Richard’s experience is exactly what we DON’T need as parents of FA kids. It’s was propels the “yeah, whatever — you’re a kook” attitude I’ve come across when trying to convey information about my son’s allergies.
The point about science/other school projects being nut free is excellent, and I want to stress it. My son has been in classes that use M&Ms and pumpkin seeds. Fortunately, I found out about the pumpkin seed one beforehand and provided our own from home (bought the pumpkin, scooped out the seeds and dried them — it’s near impossible to find these things that have not been “processed in a facility”). My approach is always to offer to provide the alternative. For example, send in a big bag of skittles to use in place of M&Ms.
Also, you may want to consider sending a 10-pack of treats such as a box of snack-sized oreos to school so your daughter can enjoy the birthday celebration too. Every teacher has enough room in a classroom cabinet for that! Plus, it eases their stress level.
God Bless Trace Adkins. We need a public voice like his.