Different Phases, Unique Challenges
Our daughter was first diagnosed with food allergies at 11 months. Her eyes swelled shut from the dusting of cheese on a cracker. Despite strict avoidance of her food allergens, it seems the list of foods to which she’s allergic has grown longer every year. She is now 4 1/2.
We have thus far navigated the food allergy waters with our daughter as a toddler and as a preschooler. We are preparing for her transition to elementary school. At the same time, I am pregnant with my second child and am trying to prepare myself for the different food allergy scenarios that may (or may not) arise.
- Second child is allergic to all the same foods as first child
- Second child is allergic to the only major allergens to which my first child is not allergic (wheat and soy) — and my household cannot share a meal
- Second child has no food allergies
Both big transitions in our lives (kindergarten and having a new baby) have caused us to reflect on the distinct challenges we have faced –as parents– at each stage.
Infants/Toddlers (0-3)
This was a very challenging stage for several reasons.
- Steep learning curve. Before our initial diagnosis - we knew next to nothing about food allergies. Trying to come to terms with our daughter’s diagnosis and figuring out how it would affect our lives –from what we would eat to how we would raise a happy healthy child– was mind-boggling. Though excellent resources and support groups existed, we slugged through a lot on our own as we tried to sort things out.
- Parents have to be hypervigilant. Young toddlers like to put everything in their mouths. And young children travel everywhere with snacks. And whatever their friends are eating seems much more interesting than what their parents have packed. Even if they don’t share snacks - they often “share” toys (which go right into their mouths). I would wake up repeatedly in night-sweats over cheddar cheese goldfish at playgroup. It is hard to come up with safe activities/environments for your child — but you know you must — otherwise, you will go crazy, particularly in winter.
- Small children have limited abilities to communicate. Both symptoms and frustrations. And it is hard to reason with them.
At the same time — this stage can be easier than the preschool years in two key respect: their exposure to social situations is more limited and parents can always be present. If you choose, you can never let them out of your sight. They aren’t in school or camp. They aren’t invited to as many birthday parties or drop-off playdates. I felt safer knowing that my husband or I could always be there to keep a watchful eye — and react in an appropriate manner.
Preschoolers (3-5)
In some ways, this has been more challenging than the toddler phase. Largely, because it has meant ceding total control over my child’s environment (not easy for me).
- Parental anxiety: How can I trust someone else to keep her safe while watching 12 other kids? What if she has a reaction and I’m not there? What if she feels badly when other kids eat foods she can’t?
- Child learning curve: How can she learn to take (partial) responsibility for her own allergies?
- How can I keep up? Birthday parties (both in school and out) are a constant source of stress for me. Invariably, most serve pizza. (My daughter has had several contact reactions to dairy.) Then there are pinatas to worry about. (We have learned that pinatas in the summer with peanut butter can be very dangerous even if your children don’t eat the candy.) There is also limited handwashing and lots of hugging/holding hands. And the baking I need to do to keep up with this stream of events at times seems endless.
Despite these challenges, this stage has been a rewarding one. My daughter has learned to follow simple rules that help her to take ownership of her allergies and to educate people around her to keep herself safe. She is in a nut-free school (which has been a great relief) and has a wonderful teacher who makes me feel at ease. And I believe this practice in a sheltered environment will serve her well as she gets ready to brave kindergarten.